gamer pig test blog

Lifelong Learning  is tested by people who feel they have all the answers but are completely the opposite. I can read between the lines and some recent commenter who wants to brag is testing my patience. I dont know how aware he is of the extent he has made an ass of himself, but I would like to know. Still, hes not the only and the first. I realized I've attracted people very insecure and very overconfident of their gaming prowess. So much that it has distracted, and stressed me out. Still I have come up on the realization of the fragile ego some have, but not in anyway representative of the majority. They are just the most Vocal ass-hats. Getting back to Lifelong Learning, I realized I have to measure this as well. A reflection of how much effort have I placed in LL, or what are the activities I perform every week that contribute to LL? A more frightening prospect is: What Can I do about my Failing memory? I will not deny it anymore: my memory will deteriorate significantly e...

Why wasn't I taught how to assess the tasks that make up a course of action in many of the key activities in life? Now I have a more precise ability to list all the things that needs to happen before something can happen from my study of logistics and found some coping mechanisms  to deal with procrastination and anxiety but I have this so late in life. Collecting so many coping mechanisms that so many other people grew up with makes me regretful of my background and envious at the advantage they had and the success they got in their 20s while I'm barely building up in my late 30s :( As I try to run 15km and try to meet +60k steps a week I already feel the limits and lack of time I have to turn things around. Continuously lacking in the min standards for health just to be fit enough to fight  :( and with a mind that is improving too slowly for the work it needs to accomplish. All I can say is that my son will not have my disadvantages. Even if something happens to...

After the Dissenting Voice Coping Mechanism I realized the Pacing and Metre is a great tool for my own life. That my sense of Agency, a feeling I can always check when I'm evaluating a circumstance, can tell me where I am in a situation - framed in Pacing. Situations Framed in Pacing has Stage 1: Set up, Stage 2: Initial Conflict and Stage 3: Climax and Consequences. Stage 1: Set up - has a strong desire for Agency. So strong is the desire, I feel lost without Agency. Its only when there is agency I can start dealing with my problems. The sense of agency is a Compass as it directs me to where my biggest problems can be found - because of the lack of agency i feel when I ponder that direction. Stage 2: Initial Conflict - this is a stage I can understand when I am ready or able to deal with the Voluntary Loss of Agency. When I am willing to endure the Loss of Agency in Conflict. How I deal with the loss of Agency and how I advance through the experience determines how long I st...

Chaos in my mind. My mind is made of many voices and minds. These minds rarely cooperate unless for things or actions that are of particular interest to them. If my mind was a squad of 10 there is only one or two who can be relied on and the rest are distracted by their own affairs. In few instances they are cohesive and cooperative. When up to about half is mustered and cooperative I am capable and confident. In the rare instances they are all present, I can predict what happens next and act appropriately and in time (like in airsoft). But the rest of the time 9-8 out of 10 are distracted. My Squad, if I visualize them, is made up of Doubt, Regrets, Guilt, Duty, Empathy, Introspection, Playfulness, Pragmatism, Curiosity, and Pride. These guys have different volumes and issues with one another. Introspection is the gossip of the group, always getting into the business of everyone. Playfulness gets everyone along, but only to have fun. In rare instances Playfulness gets Pragmatism a...

28 mins 4km by nike and 3.23km by star trac. 4.0 incline. About 6:45 per km. My back had some muscles straining. Left side at the rear rib. Came from a cold. Recovering. Discover I could use pacing Metre technique to evaluate my life. That where I am in pacing stages is where I feel empowered. As I move from set up to initial conflict is how well I deal with loss of agency. Agency as a measure of where I am. The need for agency is where I am in the stages. When I can give up some agency is if I can proceed to initial stages of conflict. And that conflict climaxes as a result of how I fare when agency is lost. The ending, the climax is the result of my character after dealing with an experience where I lose agency.

Self Improvement Notes.  Quickie Task When reluctant or procrastinating I will tell myself I will do it quickly. I will do it in 5 mins. I will also work towards doing a lot of things in 5 mins. Think of things in 5 mins and have a grasp of  Pacing Metre and Variable Priority Training The Quickie Task Technique is just the beginning, it will evolve. I will learn to create mental slots for Set-up, Rising-Tension and Conflict Climax. Each slot is represents how my rhythm works and how I should allocate my attention and concentration. This is a way to Learn Variable Priority Training, giving context or a way to know where in the Priority a task goes. Notebooks instead of Apps I realized having a notebook is more productive than on my phone. On my phone I get too many distractions and will divide my attention. I will react and not prioritize. I am currently reactive and need to work towards planning. To have the virtues of the Quickie Task and Pacing Metre with Viar...

All of it stems from the ability to sleep early. I have terrible sleep efficiency. So I need the 8-9 hours needed because I dont hit REMS that reliably. I spend a lot of effort on self control that I have very little left for real productivity. if I want to do more in my day, the early morning of 4am is the best time. I wake up and take my time. I need to take my yogurt latte and a healthy breakfast (subway is not yet open), then I exercise first, doing uppers (dipps, push ups, and the punching bag), then I proceed to plan the day ahead with writing or blogging. I get into my documentation mode and start writing a lot and planning and reading up on things. By around 6:30 I try to wake up Niko, getting him ready for school. Ideally niko sleeps with me as early as 7am. so he gets also 9 hours of sleep where he wakes up in a really good and productive mood. Everything tends to be smooth saling from there. If I need to do an errand, I can head on over to where it should be and arrive ...

I was able to have dinner, cigars, and a beer with Mike So and Mike logarta. Its been a while, nearly 10 years for Milo and me, and about 14 years since Mike So and me. So a lot of interesting things were shared and de-classified. Of course I cannot name names or give more details, but what I can say is that It gave a bit of a closure. The night of drinking began with recapping, Mike was very good in remembering all the topics we wanted to visit through out the night. Personally I would have written it down except that my pen broke and spilled ink on my pocket. It would have been weirder puting it all in a note 2. So we got to find out much of the history of the Malate Org and Milo highlighted a lot of the structure I failed to see since I was being "Handled". Many things were happening while I was in a Haze of my Vice then, and I was so easy to manipulate it has lead to many of my skepticism and scrutiny habits of present. I also got to bury the hatchet with what hap...

Malasakit (as it was described to me by my mentor and boss) is a Filipino word that is both Compassion and Discretion. The way its used is interesting  because its meant to imply using discretion to do what is good. the discretion part makes it seem doing what is good is a complicated matter lolz. I'm one of those who don't believe that there are Native words that cannot be captured in english or another language, just words with differently combined ideas. So Malasakit is Compassion with Discretion its like saying: don't get too caught up with your emotion, you have to weigh some pros and cons. Of course It could be his definition lolz.

Any sophisticated decision making systems like a person is made up of smaller decision making systems that have enough complexity to be interesting by their own right. In exercise when pain and concentration mix I feel aware of my petty personalities that exist. They have their own motivations limited by their own smaller grasp of the situation. I guess it's that greater whole which lends itself foresight that align all these personalities into a single conscious form. Self awareness being a continuous stream of multiple cognitive process able to reflect and aware of the surroundings and narrative of the situation is a pretty bleak way to look at life or sapiens. But it is that human sentimentality that attaches value to this consciousness that allows me to see such conscious flows as beings.  I really should research what they call this View of Reality - the conscious stream view. Its kinda macabre and to religious depressing, but for me its a way to live with death...