Lost My Cool

"I cannot want to be alone in discussion with you because I want there to always be a witness". I lost my cool, how can I: lying to me is a thing that gets me frustrated and I cannot hold my temper anymore. Good thing it was an emotional outburst that occurred in an informal setting.

It wasn't a calculated move, it was a moved forced mostly because he was destroying the reputation of people around him. Innocent people who had nothing to do with the matter, he skillfully found a way to assign blame too.

I've lost my sense of justice when I learned about how complicated the world works, but I did learn to care about people and assigning blame to the innocent hits my heart cords pretty hard.

I know I looked stupid, childish and inexperience with the outburst. I'm guilty of breaking my mother's golden rule: never make enemies. Even if a person is a monster, you appease these monsters and my mother has survived just barely dealing with such. I am still young and naive to truly absorb the lesson of her wisdom, that I am not able to flexibly follow it.

My mom's words are: "you don't know who these people will become one day, they may gate keepers to the best deal in your life". Of course, my mom breaks her own rule sometimes, but those are in moments of weaknesses when the abuse is very difficult to take. She is soft hearten, she can't bring the axe down on jobs and on people, she needs the protection and layers of the HR and Finance. I admit, I desperately need those same shields, I don't have the heart to take a persons job away... but this is a business and I need to do so to survive also.

Life is not Just, it is people who try to be just, we are just lucky if things happen to turn out well.

I lost my cool today, and took a hit for the Team. I can afford to, I'm the son of the owner and "heir apparent" so I can soak that hit. It doesn't mean I have to like it. It is now easier for him to leave the company because he can use me as an excuse and demonize me on the way out.

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