"What's Daddy, Chopped Liver?"
Niko is going through his mommy attachment phase. I can only remember mine because of the animosity it created between me and my mom. I think my mommy attachment phase as a kid ended badly,
Basically I resented my mom a lot, there was an incident where I told the class I hated her when I was a discussion about it with my mom when I was around grade 1. I can see how a bad removal of attachment can go, in my own childhood. I could not relate with the missing mommy feeling until I became a dad and I missed niko's mommy.
Seeing Niko cry and cry when his mom leaves made me realize that the resentment was a coping mechanism. There is no easy way for him or me when i was a younger to grow into understanding the sense of abandonment even if it was only for a day. A day, which is to a baby a very long time.
We learned he can be distracted and heavily engrossed in play. He has that single minded attention I have that frustrates my wife when it is something that interests him, except that there is really no reasoning with it because there is no effective means of communication. In that mode everything goes out the door, only his fascination remains. I was surprised how, playing on that mental quirk was effective in buying time and easing his tension. He stopped crying and slowly started playing with the building blocks.
I guess its about buying time till he grows to communicate and understand. I'm not to punish him if he cannot understand. That personal belief is from my cognitive lectures; if he cannot understand there is no causal connection to what he did to what you are punishing him for. If he cannot make causal connection, the punishments appear random and that is a BIG problem.
When strong tones and light hits on his hand cannot be related to any one kind of situation then effective punishment actually breeds insecurity. Insecurity kills curiosity, and that leads to slower mental growth. This is not from a baby book or parenting book; this is from a Cognition study and apply to people of all ages.
So when mommy is away, niko should be distracted. Time can be subjective, he may not feel the pain of mommy being away while engrossed in play. When his mommy arrives, then he realizes she was gone, only for a moment before reveling in her presence... then taking it for-granted and going off to play. Let him grow a little older before we explain that mommy and daddy have to go to work, and will be back to have dinner and fun with him.
Consistency, habits and perspectives we learn.
When i grew up my parents kept telling me we had no money, a reason I was able to accept. My mom was frugal so it was one of those lessons that was consistent and very much reinforced growing up.
We are not as frugal, but we are practical and having a passion for economics discuss the pros and cons and maximized utility of a purchase. I guess we can't use the excuse: "we have no money", but instead use "how long will you be entertained by that before it gets old?". I feel guilty wasting good money, and given how practical my wife and I are, it would be easy to send a consistent message to Niko about it.
Basically I resented my mom a lot, there was an incident where I told the class I hated her when I was a discussion about it with my mom when I was around grade 1. I can see how a bad removal of attachment can go, in my own childhood. I could not relate with the missing mommy feeling until I became a dad and I missed niko's mommy.
Seeing Niko cry and cry when his mom leaves made me realize that the resentment was a coping mechanism. There is no easy way for him or me when i was a younger to grow into understanding the sense of abandonment even if it was only for a day. A day, which is to a baby a very long time.
We learned he can be distracted and heavily engrossed in play. He has that single minded attention I have that frustrates my wife when it is something that interests him, except that there is really no reasoning with it because there is no effective means of communication. In that mode everything goes out the door, only his fascination remains. I was surprised how, playing on that mental quirk was effective in buying time and easing his tension. He stopped crying and slowly started playing with the building blocks.
I guess its about buying time till he grows to communicate and understand. I'm not to punish him if he cannot understand. That personal belief is from my cognitive lectures; if he cannot understand there is no causal connection to what he did to what you are punishing him for. If he cannot make causal connection, the punishments appear random and that is a BIG problem.
When strong tones and light hits on his hand cannot be related to any one kind of situation then effective punishment actually breeds insecurity. Insecurity kills curiosity, and that leads to slower mental growth. This is not from a baby book or parenting book; this is from a Cognition study and apply to people of all ages.
So when mommy is away, niko should be distracted. Time can be subjective, he may not feel the pain of mommy being away while engrossed in play. When his mommy arrives, then he realizes she was gone, only for a moment before reveling in her presence... then taking it for-granted and going off to play. Let him grow a little older before we explain that mommy and daddy have to go to work, and will be back to have dinner and fun with him.
Consistency, habits and perspectives we learn.
When i grew up my parents kept telling me we had no money, a reason I was able to accept. My mom was frugal so it was one of those lessons that was consistent and very much reinforced growing up.
We are not as frugal, but we are practical and having a passion for economics discuss the pros and cons and maximized utility of a purchase. I guess we can't use the excuse: "we have no money", but instead use "how long will you be entertained by that before it gets old?". I feel guilty wasting good money, and given how practical my wife and I are, it would be easy to send a consistent message to Niko about it.
Comments
Post a Comment