Dinner with the folks and wierd dreams

dinner with mom and dad. We ate out in HEAT and had some stuff to talk about. Mostly about family and little things. Chat enjoyed and I felt bit awkward.

According to mom gaspar is having a hard time, candalf is ok, older sister has mellowed out since having a kid, and melchior is still the same.

On the mel note, I told mom why we are not in speaking terms, and it was there where things came to light: he got pissed what I said back to back... and he can ignore what ever you had to say to his face. know I've tried to talk to him as well and he is out of control.

The discussion left a deep impression that gave me a dream about my relationship about my brother and I. Chat and I went to the states and I didn't want to talk to him. I was very disappointed and frustrated at how he can't be controlled and he has no ability to self correct. In the dream I just couldnt stand him and I was so angry, the same feeling I have with my old friend, Rosero. I see the same traits and the same limitations... he cannot see himself or see how he hurts other people... he just keeps doing things that devalue and slowly deteriorate him. He's so charismatic that he can lead you to believe that everything is ok when it isnt. he manages to say the same thing to himself and believes it.

It pisses me off that it is not only a Waste of what was someone who was supposed to be smarter, more talented and very charismatic... with a loyal group of friends who follow him wherever he leads. I love my brother but f*ck it, he's gone (and I don't mean it in a locative sense). I know he is happy but at what cost?

he's still young... but times slips faster when your happy... its better to be unhappy and know your working for a goal than to be happy and let everything important slip by.


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