Its all in the Past,

Feeling like a Dinosaur. I'm not gaming anymore. Not even hoping to GM. Sometimes I say I'm gonna GM but reality is far from it. I look back and think of the critisisms of my GMing. Its not like I'm able to correct them, not like I've had a chance.

But thinking about at all the Gaming peripherals that litter my room. How much I work so hard to make it as easy to imagine and to understand. How much I try to be an open mind and allow critism to my work while related why my decisions were made.

I know my time has gone. My original group fell apart. The glue of the group left, things were said that can never be taken back, and I had many experiences to move past and understand.

A long time ago, me and a bunch of friends broke away from a parasitic group. I was a freshman then, and thought things could last forever. Of course, at 19 I've never thought of what 10 years in the future would be like. Now, seeing how it was like, I would have warned myself. I would have prepared or have done something.

My first inkling of temporariness was when my high school group drifted apart. Don't get me wrong, its still ok up to now, but i wasnt the same anymore. But, college was an opportunity to make new friends and find more of those that share the same spirit. Of course came the politics and the love triangles. Fucking love triangles.

Anyway, whats with me now? Civ 4... Beyond the Sword is what gets me excited. Not some game, not some scenario, not some book... a computer game. I remember mojo had to hook me up with some players. My friendster, 360, everything in my profiles are looking for players...

Then, there is the discussion on the GURPS forums and GMs who work so hard to please and how under appreciated they feel and are. GMs that rant that they lost players to DnD or some other game system... when they devoted their gaming life to GURPS.

Oh well, I'm not alone. It easier to bear knowing that.

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