On the matter of Faith

Mass Combat System. I haven't played a war game before. I've seen it played and it looks slow. I've seen it go fast a time or two, but its still too rare. RPG skirmishes can be fast, it really depends on the GM. I got some practice in my failed Epic FR game. It was an experience that slowly brought me to wanting to do historical medieval/ancient warfare.

Mom Bought me some cheap chess piece sets. 5 sets, enough to make a small army and some military exercises with it. Now that I think of it, I should have asked for 10. I remember drawings of Kriegspiel used chess pieces to represent units. I don't exactly know by how it worked but chess pieces seem to make the most sense if I'm to use ambiguous units.

I really want to play wargames but its really beyond my budget. I find myself staring at the hobby and comic stores, feeling much the same way I felt when i was a kid. Wondering, if I'll ever make enough of my own money to afford it down the list of my priorities. I'm 28 and I feel like that might never happen, but I guess its ok. Its what started me dreaming and drawing, its always wanting it and never having the chance to get it.

Coming from the Faith healer. Sometimes my condition makes me think, if the doctors really know what their doing or could they be overlooking something. It happened the first time I complained of weakness. I usually brush it off as stress, but one day I really couldn't take it anymore. We went to the doctor and had all kinds of tests, they didn't find anything. Months later, the random hepa tests came and I found out I had Heppa B. what if there is something they missed and even all the healthy eating I am doing now is all for nothing.

Its funny, I don't like to think of dying. I don't want to leave my wife, even if a majority of my life was spend being suicidal through adolescence and up to before meeting her. Its just ironic that I may go and I've not finished what I set out to do. Its just sad to think, that dreams may never come true. Especially when your expectations are so low.

While I was in the Faith Healer, I had to stop thinking. I was always double guessing each motive and each word she said. Trying to find out her trick. I had to really put my mind somewhere else. I'm a freaking skeptic and it doesnt help the “faith” healing. She commented on many things, a lot of things can be easily discredited with a little perspective.

History makes me think a little too much. How things grow and develop and how status quo is always enforced despite how innovative certain ideas can be. Then there are patterns and society and how we really don't have a clue. With all the intelligence in the world, there is no right way to do anything. Reading up on Tyrants, Martyrs and Heroes is from my curiosity and attraction to proving the pattern which i observe with my own point of view.

Observing the people untouchable because of power and those who are always at the mercy of it. Looking at how simple it can be do what is evil and good, but how complicated it can be to what is BEST for all. Concepts of right and wrong, moral and ethical standards through out the ages and their Ideals, can take up too much space in an already crowded mind.

Thankfully, I'm studying mostly eras simple enough for me to understand. Cycles and Standards of Thought are pretty interesting to observe over a span of centuries. Its funny how a moral standard like those of past can take forever to indoctrinate intelligent thought within it. A great thinker and architect comes around all to sparsely.

One of the concepts that strike me about the past is the concept of Talent. Talent and RPG character creation brings an unusual perspective in the world. To think that there are individuals who are truly superior specimens of the race in almost every way and are able to contribute greatly to its stability. Also while in life, being able to see talent wasted again and again can be disheartening. One think I take away with talent is that for those who don't have it (like me) mediocrity is truly a gift and a curse. Learning to live with it early on is a blessing. The few ways to really see talent is to see things for what they really are, because admitting some of the most painful truths can help give the best assessment.

Little Rant. My wife and I have been traumatized by the experience of terrible printers. a word of warning about the Epson C79, don't get it. I get the feeling that the people who designed it really wants to screw with you. HP is always the Safer (i'm not saying better) choice. We researched the hell before buying the printer. Both husband and wife and we're not happy with it. We didn't find any good review on the product so here is, at least, a word of caution.