Distractions and Reflections
I finished TTC's Game Theory Lectures by Scott P. Stevens. It was a balanced lecture, although I had to listen to it because I only had time in the 2 hours drive back and forth work and school. I've finished Phili-gaging (Philosophy and Gags; Plato and a Platypus walk into a Bar). I am moving to "On Bull-Shit", a Comedy Philosophy Audio book (I really need something to keep me awake on the drive home). Letting my mind wander, tends to lead it into internal circles, which leads to depression.
There is a lot of recomended reading in the Game Theory lectures I will get my hands on. I will start with the most relevant: Coopetition, then Game Theory and Economic Behavior and move on to what ever is more relevant to what I'm doing. This is competing with my other Interests, which I will try to find time to for like: History/Gaming, Poverty, and Overpopulation.
I noticed I've chosen many of the things I'm doing because: no one else will take it on and I believe that someone's gotta do it. So that and all the other responsibilities at work (among which I have to fix our plant's efficiency or my fellow countrymen will have their jobs given to China) are making up all the clutter in my head. Its the same problem I ended up with in my Thesis: I did everything, juggled to many things, and can't seem to delegate.
Thus I'm writing this trying to analyze my distractions.
When the lecture ended, something really frightening occured: I realized, as a entrepreneur/businessman, I had to apply and experiment with the concepts provided NOW! I shouldn't sit on my ass with the knowledge, I have to use them in my projects (instead of using the tactics in arguments, which i have been doing). (Use or Lose it!)
Then there are my advocacies. They are distracting, because I can be very single-minded and there are so many important things I feel like I have to do. The truth is, I can only do one thing at a time and have to leave the rest my "remains", which pissess me off. When I feel something is important and my attention tends to narrow to a fine point and I tend to throw at it an amount of energy and effort usually beyond sustainable levels (wastefully).
I cannot do just charge off whenever the Pope throws a crusade. I have to pace myself, and time my action. I have to get a good grip and control over my passions and be entirely consious of my "End Game". I have to build a strategy around my weaknesses and time my "release". Right now the not so important things feel more important to me because they provide immediate catharsis like interaction and positive affirmation.
***
Lately I've been feeling mis-aligned and somewhat robotic (while I'm totally anti-Substance Dualism, I won't got on to make a spiritual analogy). When something gets to me, it affects everything because it is #1 in my consiousness and it affects many of the decisions, including the small ones. My application of what I've learned coupled with my limited capacities, makes me choose a strategy that exercises constantly what I've learned until it has become a conditioned response.
This is why, my Atheism is a big step forward. Working on an empirical premise and conditioning a rational approach to every situation is the same as training a military specialist to expect an enemy in any blind corner. An "powerful" automated response that takes advantage of initative and is well practiced (meaning it can get even more potent).
This automated response lets me free up my mind to thinking of things that are more pleasant and reduce my stress. Unfortunately, sometimes I can get lost and confused when I "awaken" in the middle of my rational routine. This leaves me confused a bit as I let the lingering patterns finish itself or get to confused to finish my train of thought. Add this to my low tollerance for stress because of my poor health and very comfortable upbringing, (another challenge for another time when I have the answers) and I'm practically Lost.
Like when I'm writing and distracted by my fundamental views which I keep repeating like the Power Puff Girls Antagonist Mojo Jojo.
Ack... the limitations of working with an average intelligence. If I only had more people I can depend on to help me with my work: like my sibs.
My Sibs, now that's a whole other can of worms. I need them but I can't make them part of the solution because I want them to want to do it (in other words, happy). Its a such a waste of resources because who else would have the same genetic and cultural disposition as my self and be able to take on the very problem "someone" like me can handle. Mom and Dad had 5 of us and out of all of them I'm the only one left, it kinda sucks.
I would rather share the company with them, I don't want all of this. I don't need much to live comforably. I'm very happy with Philippine middle class sources of catharsis.
On Art.
Artists who materialize Ideas for the sake of seeing them work instead of an audience, missed their true callings as scientists, engineers and technicians. When i was talking to my little sister about her art, I came to realize more about our own reasons and how come it was highly compaitble with Science.
There is that quest for truth and tangibility in whatever fills our heads. We want it out there in the real world, NOT because of an Audience, but because we want to see if it could work. We want the perspective of a working model and see the limitations we cannot see inside our own minds.
I realize I write for those same reasons. I got to drawing intiatially for those reasons: to have my ideas work the same way I saw it in my head.
It was also in art I learned about symbolism and how our minds converts things to symbols which gets in the way of Realistic Drawing. you have to actively prevent your mind from seeing the symbols and representation your brain creates for you and see the lines and shadows as they really are.
My art is an expression of the truth I've been looking for... not a "Truth" or "idea" I want to communicate.
On the other hand: Mahadlika is my art. It is an Idea I want to communicate. As it is so heavily and thoroughly researched, I've invested a lot in digging up truths I can prove and show others.
I guess after you get the Truth, what you do with it becomes Art.
There is a lot of recomended reading in the Game Theory lectures I will get my hands on. I will start with the most relevant: Coopetition, then Game Theory and Economic Behavior and move on to what ever is more relevant to what I'm doing. This is competing with my other Interests, which I will try to find time to for like: History/Gaming, Poverty, and Overpopulation.
I noticed I've chosen many of the things I'm doing because: no one else will take it on and I believe that someone's gotta do it. So that and all the other responsibilities at work (among which I have to fix our plant's efficiency or my fellow countrymen will have their jobs given to China) are making up all the clutter in my head. Its the same problem I ended up with in my Thesis: I did everything, juggled to many things, and can't seem to delegate.
Thus I'm writing this trying to analyze my distractions.
When the lecture ended, something really frightening occured: I realized, as a entrepreneur/businessman, I had to apply and experiment with the concepts provided NOW! I shouldn't sit on my ass with the knowledge, I have to use them in my projects (instead of using the tactics in arguments, which i have been doing). (Use or Lose it!)
Then there are my advocacies. They are distracting, because I can be very single-minded and there are so many important things I feel like I have to do. The truth is, I can only do one thing at a time and have to leave the rest my "remains", which pissess me off. When I feel something is important and my attention tends to narrow to a fine point and I tend to throw at it an amount of energy and effort usually beyond sustainable levels (wastefully).
I cannot do just charge off whenever the Pope throws a crusade. I have to pace myself, and time my action. I have to get a good grip and control over my passions and be entirely consious of my "End Game". I have to build a strategy around my weaknesses and time my "release". Right now the not so important things feel more important to me because they provide immediate catharsis like interaction and positive affirmation.
***
Lately I've been feeling mis-aligned and somewhat robotic (while I'm totally anti-Substance Dualism, I won't got on to make a spiritual analogy). When something gets to me, it affects everything because it is #1 in my consiousness and it affects many of the decisions, including the small ones. My application of what I've learned coupled with my limited capacities, makes me choose a strategy that exercises constantly what I've learned until it has become a conditioned response.
This is why, my Atheism is a big step forward. Working on an empirical premise and conditioning a rational approach to every situation is the same as training a military specialist to expect an enemy in any blind corner. An "powerful" automated response that takes advantage of initative and is well practiced (meaning it can get even more potent).
This automated response lets me free up my mind to thinking of things that are more pleasant and reduce my stress. Unfortunately, sometimes I can get lost and confused when I "awaken" in the middle of my rational routine. This leaves me confused a bit as I let the lingering patterns finish itself or get to confused to finish my train of thought. Add this to my low tollerance for stress because of my poor health and very comfortable upbringing, (another challenge for another time when I have the answers) and I'm practically Lost.
Like when I'm writing and distracted by my fundamental views which I keep repeating like the Power Puff Girls Antagonist Mojo Jojo.
Ack... the limitations of working with an average intelligence. If I only had more people I can depend on to help me with my work: like my sibs.
My Sibs, now that's a whole other can of worms. I need them but I can't make them part of the solution because I want them to want to do it (in other words, happy). Its a such a waste of resources because who else would have the same genetic and cultural disposition as my self and be able to take on the very problem "someone" like me can handle. Mom and Dad had 5 of us and out of all of them I'm the only one left, it kinda sucks.
I would rather share the company with them, I don't want all of this. I don't need much to live comforably. I'm very happy with Philippine middle class sources of catharsis.
On Art.
Artists who materialize Ideas for the sake of seeing them work instead of an audience, missed their true callings as scientists, engineers and technicians. When i was talking to my little sister about her art, I came to realize more about our own reasons and how come it was highly compaitble with Science.
There is that quest for truth and tangibility in whatever fills our heads. We want it out there in the real world, NOT because of an Audience, but because we want to see if it could work. We want the perspective of a working model and see the limitations we cannot see inside our own minds.
I realize I write for those same reasons. I got to drawing intiatially for those reasons: to have my ideas work the same way I saw it in my head.
It was also in art I learned about symbolism and how our minds converts things to symbols which gets in the way of Realistic Drawing. you have to actively prevent your mind from seeing the symbols and representation your brain creates for you and see the lines and shadows as they really are.
My art is an expression of the truth I've been looking for... not a "Truth" or "idea" I want to communicate.
On the other hand: Mahadlika is my art. It is an Idea I want to communicate. As it is so heavily and thoroughly researched, I've invested a lot in digging up truths I can prove and show others.
I guess after you get the Truth, what you do with it becomes Art.
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