So far away

its work-out season. I've noticed that its work out season for me. This is around the time of the year my energy levels are up or most likely, my guilt has reached a limit to a point that I'm motivated to excersize. So I'm going to be playing more airsoft and pushing my pain threshold farther because of it. The nervous tension coupled with the adrenaline is a powerful mix to push one's own mental barriers.

There is some depression that comes also, yearly. Hopelessness is a feeling I get when too many expectations fall short and I don't feel I'm working towards the goal I want to move towards. I feel this being a universal truth: when people don't see a future pay off that they want and can only see losses, it brings them to depression.

I noticed only lately how much I'm more jerk-ish and glutenous about some temporal things. The dieting has something to do with it, since I can't buy my 2-piece spicy chicken joy without suffering the after effect of guilt, I had to cut back on the calories and instead, indulge with certain other expenses. Particularly, my growing airsoft hobby.

I'm really tempted to by the G3 for php4000 ($80). I still have to check if it has all metal internals, but the temptation is there. An unpredictable after effect of the AK tactical's upgrade is me liking the game more (because I'm less frustrated with it) and in return, wanting to share that happiness by having a second gun to "bank-roll" (as my wife put it) others into trying it and getting them hooked in it as well. The escalation is pretty acceptable, Its gonna be me and another friend who will be playing regularly. I will also tryo to sneak up some Close Quarter Battles during weekdays if I can in Metro Walk.

Anyway, I got to telling my brothers about my situation, after learning more of their own. Right now though, Its pretty plain we are both not in good places right now, particularly Gaspar.

I know what my parents think of him and its frustrating how there is not enough communication, well honest communication about the matter. I know they can't really understand us, because of issues of "belief" (another point why I'm pro secularism) specifically about tradition and communication.

I was telling Gaspar that there is a failure to communicate and to negotiate. I know why my parents did what they've done, because thats the way they know how to play that game but these are their children. Credibility and Realistic Expectations are the key problems that is in this current problem. Productivity cannot be Maxed out from out of nothing, it takes time to develop efficiency and productivity. Time and Feedback- a basic in any organizational structure- in everything in the universe.

So heaping him with a business he doesnt want to run is dont going to force him to swim, instead it just builds a mindset more prepared to drown. The opposite affect BTW. Transparancy = Credibility and Credibility is one of the most valuable bargaining tool in a FAMILY.

I know my brother, it seems my family is not with the marketing talk- talking about value or the value of something. But basically, even in our family problems, being able to communicate the value of something is a constant critical challenge. Mom and Dad wasn't able to communicate that to me, so I had to find what I valued in their plan and tried to make it work. Its not working so well, given my own depression, but to take that step even further- my brothers most of all see the least value in what my folk's are offering.

I basically have to make it work, Why? because there is nothing else for me right now. I have nothing at stake at the moment, and nothing really to gain- that I really want. So what else am I to do but to see if I can't just help my bros.

Anyway, it confirms alot of my suspicions and my growing problem solving skills. Gaspar is feeling... Bad and this kinda' colors his judgment heavily. He knows it, but knowing it doesnt help the problem as much as someone outside his colored view to help him identify the problem and find a way to work around and throught it. Anyway, its good that he was able to let much of it out in our talk. And for me, its good that I don't order people around as much anymore in hindsight. As the older brother I tend to propose course of actions, back then, (well back then I had more credibility) now that I didn't so much order anything and got the problem under control, its nice to see both of us and how much we've grown up since.

It almost makes me hopefull it I can solve these problems using this methods without having to rely on so much careful timing and information management (lying or ommiting things). I know my mom is against this transparency because she's afraid of letting up her hand to easily- I know it is best to keep an advantage as long as possible- but thats just one guideline in the whole bunch of guideline in a strategy. Giving away an advantage is a commited strategic action- You have to figure out a better way or another way to play once you are giving up that advantage and that forces you to be better. When the opponents are looking forward to your table scraps, they are Re-acting -and you are Acting (IOW pursuing a strategic course of action; IOW your the aggressor and you dictate the battle.

Then there is the wake of credibility, credibility can be the most POWERFUL undersestimated tool in Philippine politics. In a society with everyone playing with the LEAST credibility; any amount of credibility introduced upsets the entire pool (and thats why the cleanest guy is attacked first)... the trick is the guys who always played the credibility card- never understood that they were playing a game and had terrible timing when it came to playing the advantage.