Soul Seaching with Game Theory
Busy. the Game theory lessons are among the many things I'm juggling. Work discontent is another, and an aspect I cannot move in until my father arrives and I have a good talk with him with my plans. There is my plan to study entrepreneurship formally. I'm also in the middle of a business plan, with low barriers and requires some serious capital. I'm also trying to set some foundations for my other business plans. Then there are the ton of stuff I'm stretching my self too thinly over.
Looking at all the causality, its usually the discontent. I don't like being here and I really feel like I don't belong. I really should leave but its just awkward, but more importantly I don't have a clear exit strategy. I want to "prodigal son" and ask for some money from my father in advance to help start a business. There is something that really bothers me about being here, I'm too sensitive or I've taken the Game Theory thing a little too far in reading into reasons and actions.
Looking my situation critically: I have to take the plunge. The thing is, I also want to have a family and develop all these other projects. I know my limits and I have to play as well as I believe I can play this game, and never let my own irrationality get the better of my decision making.
Fear is an aspect, but rationally I've done well in the outside world. As well as everyone else who is motivated and skilled, but that's not just me I have resources in my disposal. I should risk it, especially when I can afford to lose it. So I have the adaptability of everyone competent I know, and I have the money, but what stops me?
Well, there is my parents and my own wishes for a family to think off. Logically, I should never attempt in the middle of an entrepreneurship despite my own irrational desires. I am a child of my parents, and struggling for their approval has been a useless and self debilitating aspect of my entire personality. Analyzing my relationship with them, I really shouldn't give a damn, like the talk with friends of a different generation they have made up their mind and they are at a nash equilibrium, basically my strategy no matter how much they would be perfectly aware of it will not change their own strategy.
One of the things I'm learning right now is the different kind of basic game: is it coordination, battle of the sexes, chicken, or prisoners dillema. Trying to figure out the kind of game is basically the madness I'm caught in. There is me and my parents. If I leave then they lose succession (even if I keep repeating my little sister wants it), If I don't I'll be miserable. If we cooperate, then I may have a hard time but I'll get on my feet and they are stuck in trying to have to adapt a new succession. If we don't cooperate, then I have to be a prick and go off on my own and not talk to them cause they will be, if not pissed, continously undermine all my efforts.
Its pretty complicated to figure this kind of game out, especially when there is no Perfect information. My parents, are think that I don't know whats best for me and that I don't know any better (while trying to make me part of the company?!). On the other hand, I'm critical and inexperienced enoughto have grossly over/under-estimated many factors.
Still I'll work with factors I know: I'm adaptable, especially when I work in a project I believe in. I also know a bit of history to realize that this path is not only harder, its neccessary: I need my own business because I need to apply my learnings and adapt to be able to fully utilize all my strengths. Also, if they are concerned about dynasty building, well its better this way then to be less-adaptive: because me staying = safety net, me not staying = requires maximum adaptability to survive without their resources.
I['m still 30, I want to be something more in 2 years. Something much more. I know I may fail, but I'd rather try while I can then regret. Given the uncertainty, my Min-Max Strategy is to leave.
this reminds me of the time my wife was making fun of me when I took my time to get acclimated in a cold pool. I usually need some external push to get into the water. Sometimes adrenalin helps and seeing others push off as well. Eventually I got used to it and thrived in the cold, when the opportunity was there swimming on the rainiest of days because of how cold I knew the pool would be. I miss that, and at the same time this may be my new pool challenge.
Bread and Laundry. One of my mother-in-laws maids left, with only one remaining and we are now only able to have her services on Saturdays, once a week. It takes time for laundry to dry, so now we have to do the laundry. Between meeting up with people and networking, the 2hours driving in the day, this miserable situation, finding catharsis and time to be with my wife, my income has to go up. I've tried to make sandwiches the night before for my quick breakfast. Needs more fat and sugar (chocolate), plan to melt the bunch of truffles I have (that has been expired) and make myself a chocolate spread to mix with the the PB&J. I want I thicker mix of PB&J but It will make a mess :(
Looking at all the causality, its usually the discontent. I don't like being here and I really feel like I don't belong. I really should leave but its just awkward, but more importantly I don't have a clear exit strategy. I want to "prodigal son" and ask for some money from my father in advance to help start a business. There is something that really bothers me about being here, I'm too sensitive or I've taken the Game Theory thing a little too far in reading into reasons and actions.
Looking my situation critically: I have to take the plunge. The thing is, I also want to have a family and develop all these other projects. I know my limits and I have to play as well as I believe I can play this game, and never let my own irrationality get the better of my decision making.
Fear is an aspect, but rationally I've done well in the outside world. As well as everyone else who is motivated and skilled, but that's not just me I have resources in my disposal. I should risk it, especially when I can afford to lose it. So I have the adaptability of everyone competent I know, and I have the money, but what stops me?
Well, there is my parents and my own wishes for a family to think off. Logically, I should never attempt in the middle of an entrepreneurship despite my own irrational desires. I am a child of my parents, and struggling for their approval has been a useless and self debilitating aspect of my entire personality. Analyzing my relationship with them, I really shouldn't give a damn, like the talk with friends of a different generation they have made up their mind and they are at a nash equilibrium, basically my strategy no matter how much they would be perfectly aware of it will not change their own strategy.
One of the things I'm learning right now is the different kind of basic game: is it coordination, battle of the sexes, chicken, or prisoners dillema. Trying to figure out the kind of game is basically the madness I'm caught in. There is me and my parents. If I leave then they lose succession (even if I keep repeating my little sister wants it), If I don't I'll be miserable. If we cooperate, then I may have a hard time but I'll get on my feet and they are stuck in trying to have to adapt a new succession. If we don't cooperate, then I have to be a prick and go off on my own and not talk to them cause they will be, if not pissed, continously undermine all my efforts.
Its pretty complicated to figure this kind of game out, especially when there is no Perfect information. My parents, are think that I don't know whats best for me and that I don't know any better (while trying to make me part of the company?!). On the other hand, I'm critical and inexperienced enoughto have grossly over/under-estimated many factors.
Still I'll work with factors I know: I'm adaptable, especially when I work in a project I believe in. I also know a bit of history to realize that this path is not only harder, its neccessary: I need my own business because I need to apply my learnings and adapt to be able to fully utilize all my strengths. Also, if they are concerned about dynasty building, well its better this way then to be less-adaptive: because me staying = safety net, me not staying = requires maximum adaptability to survive without their resources.
I['m still 30, I want to be something more in 2 years. Something much more. I know I may fail, but I'd rather try while I can then regret. Given the uncertainty, my Min-Max Strategy is to leave.
this reminds me of the time my wife was making fun of me when I took my time to get acclimated in a cold pool. I usually need some external push to get into the water. Sometimes adrenalin helps and seeing others push off as well. Eventually I got used to it and thrived in the cold, when the opportunity was there swimming on the rainiest of days because of how cold I knew the pool would be. I miss that, and at the same time this may be my new pool challenge.
Bread and Laundry. One of my mother-in-laws maids left, with only one remaining and we are now only able to have her services on Saturdays, once a week. It takes time for laundry to dry, so now we have to do the laundry. Between meeting up with people and networking, the 2hours driving in the day, this miserable situation, finding catharsis and time to be with my wife, my income has to go up. I've tried to make sandwiches the night before for my quick breakfast. Needs more fat and sugar (chocolate), plan to melt the bunch of truffles I have (that has been expired) and make myself a chocolate spread to mix with the the PB&J. I want I thicker mix of PB&J but It will make a mess :(
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