Working Vacation

Working through the Holiday Vacation. Both my wife and I have to work through the vacation. I have to work on a list of assignments that my boss gave me and, unfortunately, that 3d graphics aid didn't pan out. (he didn't read the date I needed to start, which was jan 5). Oh well, anyway, i guess it is for the best. Most of the work will need to be done during the vacation because I have a deadline by the 16th.

How I feel through this is a continuously simmering sense of fear and panic just below my gut. Something that can easily jump up and give me a panic attack at any time. Right now I'm trying to read up on professional webcreation-marketing articles (ones that I can find). I am not equipped for this, but like in any situation that can mean fail or succeed- you just have to do it.

Still It half ruined my vacation cause I couldn't really relax. Its not the fault of anyone, I my frame of mind, but my own, if there is blame to be had. My parents gave me this opportunity and their money is what made this all possible. the world is SO not fair, because a guy like me can reach my own dreams and so many others can not. I am eternally greatfull but still it reinforces my atheistic POV that a Diety of a form chose me and not anyone more deserving to have this opportunity.

The Argument with a friend. A friend was pushing his belief system (aka religion) on me and he wouldn't stop. I didn't realize how much that kind of forced action hurt me when the whole time I politely and honestly told him it was not interested and his tunnel vision reaction was to use what ever argument to win me over at the cost of attacking my own belief system. I deflected (tried to change topic) and diffuse his arguments as much as I could without hurting his own belief system but he kept at it. I just realized it really hurt me deeply what he said and stressed out a night that could have been enjoyable given the long absense of not hanging out. You can be only as open minded as posible but he was closeminded to letting me have my own belief system and that hurt alot.

One thing I came away with was how Cults and their Doomsday prophesies have, through out history, used Fear as power over their followers. Fear along with fermetation of depression and misery to fuel their self righteous causes.

You should not talk about 2012 appocalypes to people who are trying to start a family! you do not tell them that the child they will work hard to bear will DIE and it is all POINTLESS! its just plain WRONG! This is beyond religous POV or spiritual it is just the TRUTH, The brilliant and burning light of the truth: that to extinguish HOPE of others is SO VERY WRONG!

I wasn't alone in the Tirade of arguments but another couple was also present and others who are good people working for a good end. To inflict one's own anger at the world to others is wrong, especially your friends who are working hard to have a family and happiness of their own and have not given up on people, in general.

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