Racial Flak

Got some racial Flak. when I was getting a replacement drivers license. Its ok I guess, I'm not suprised and rather numbed by it after sometime.

Basically, I filled up a form and gave all my identification points and they cooked a reason why they can't give it to me. I can't remember the address on the licence, so they held that against me, even if my picture was on file.

Anyway, its ok. TIA (This is america).

Racism vs Poverty/instability. I'm not much for america, I told my parents I could easily get a residency in New Zealand or possibly Austrailia or even Europe if they really wanted me to have a "back up" when things go sour in the Philippines.

Fuck this. I'm giving it up as soon as I get back. Without even telling them, I'm giving up my stupid greencard. I'd happily suffer poverty in a country of my own People than suffer hate from a country who's people doesnt even have a clue where the philippines is.

As I said to one friend, be raised by my lola gave me manners. Manners that are well recieved back home, but given the difference of this place and home, these manners are seen as weekness.

Decisions. I understand my personal quirks and my brothers quirks alot better now. The lies and the insincerityI with my parents, in my case. I'm not catholic, I don't go to mass. They will never see what corner they have pushed me into. Even with all the fights we had, they will never try to understand.
They just attack me, telling me my reasoning in wrong... even when they sent me to the best schools money can buy and been with exceptional individuals of virtue and moral. They never try. They tenaciously hold on to some idea of me being always weak and failing all the time.

IT doesnt help when I'm held back. Looking at jasper, the one who would have been the most successfull of all of us, why would you hold someone so capable back!? WHy destroy his confidence? Why allways ridicule his appearance, always comparing him to other children, other people. Why always never letting us live the way we should.

I understand my brothers habits. Why we have a kneejerk reaction of being told what to do. Its crippling, its not how its supposed to be. Parent hood is not about protecting your child, its about making them ready for the hazards of adulthood and the responsibility it entails.

Why are children raising children?!?

I've learned enough from the mistakes. I've soaked and contemplated them many times when i've been brought down and wonder why the world is not the way it was told to me. I'm just an average artist who wants to make enough money to draw, and live long enough to enjoy the life i have with my wife. Why the fuck is that too much to ask?

I don't believe in god. Statistics wise and in my experience of human behavior and life, niether do i believe in karma. We have the right to pursue happiness in any way we deem best; just as long as we don't hurt others in the process.
Kathy. Thanks for the concern. Holding on. I just want to go home.

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